I Am Not Crazy

I spoke with Karen Walker about having a competitive personality, all there is to discover in the NYC bike scene, and racing with Formula Fixed.

Karen discovered her love for biking while living in East New York during the pandemic. “I started getting into it in 2020. That was when I started working for Postmates. I didn’t know anyone who rode a bike. I did my own thing for a while.” Karen made deliveries with a pink 1986 Cannondale. “It was really cute. I did it because I was honestly bored in my apartment. The only time I went outside was to make some extra cash. I was like, ‘This is going to get me to know my area, especially East New York, which I didn’t know at all.’ It worked like a charm.” Karen enjoyed the freedom and personal time that the job gave her. “I’d be like, ‘Okay, I’ve got some energy. Let me just put my headphones on, let me get on my bike.’ I was by myself. I didn’t really talk to anybody while I was on shift. It was me-time. I had my sketchbook, a little joint. Part of what I’ve always loved about biking is it’s such an individual thing.”

Biking was a solo hobby for Karen until she discovered the many social events available to cyclists in New York City. “No one in my organic group of friends rode a bike. I wasn’t sure how obsessed I was until I joined the bike world.” In the Spring of 2022, Karen participated in her first group ride, Thursday Night Social Ride. “I was super nervous. I showed up, I don’t know anybody, and there’s a billion bikes. The first person I see is Tracey. The first thing she says to me is, ‘Oh my God, another girl!’ I was like, ‘What? What do you mean? What does that mean? Are there no girls?’ Everyone was super welcoming, instantly telling me about all of the alleycats.”

Joining a social ride inspired Karen to show off her athletic abilities. “I wanted to prove that I was fast. I was riding with the front of the group and trying to challenge anyone.” Despite TNSR being a non-competitive event, Karen felt compelled to ride faster than the other cyclists. “I had all this pent-up competitive energy and finally had a place to release it. I unleashed this energy that, honestly, I’ve been ashamed of my whole life.” Karen admitted that she’s always been extremely competitive, regardless of stakes. “I’ve always been that way, even with video games and card games. I would always get emotionally invested. If I’m playing a game, any kind of ready, set, go, I’m either going to cry if I lose or be really happy if I win.” Karen explained that the shame she has felt about her competitive nature has been with her since childhood. “I remember when I was a kid, and I would be beating a boy at a sport, my dad would be like, ‘Karen! Stop! Let the boy win.’ That really stuck with me throughout my life. Now, when I beat a man, it feels so good. I’ve let go of all of the shame.”

During that first TNSR ride, Karen learned from fellow riders that there would be a race that weekend. She decided to join. “I dove so hard into the bike culture in the city. I had no idea that it was there. I couldn’t believe that there were bike events all the time and that there were people who were just as crazy as I was that wanted to ride bikes.” That weekend, Karen raced in her first alleycat, which was called The Happy Fun Time. “I got third place, and it was so much fun. I did every alleycat that summer. That whole summer is such a blur.”

Part of what motivated Karen to keep showing up to events that summer was when members of the bike community told her that she was fast. “After going to some bike events, people would tell me that I should try to race. Then I raced, did pretty well, and was like, ‘Damn, maybe I am fast.’” Karen explained that the key to becoming a fast cyclist is believing in your own abilities. “Wanting to be fast is the most important part of being fast. If you don’t want to be fast, you’re not going to be fast. If you don’t want to win, you’re not going to win.” Karen said that maintaining positive energy is also helpful. “I have a little phrase that I like to use, which is, vibes are watts. I believe this wholeheartedly. Vibes are watts. If you feel good on the bike, you’re going to be good on the bike. If you’re in a bad mood, if you feel sluggish and slow, then you’re going to be sluggish and slow.” Karen said that this mindset even applies to what a cyclist wears. “We’ve all passed a roadie man in lycra, and it feels great on a fixie. It feels even better doing that while wearing a skirt.”

During her first race, Karen felt the same motivation to prove her cycling prowess that she had during TSNR. The race had a bonus checkpoint that only one racer, in a field of many racers, could obtain. “I looked at everyone in the field and I’m like, ‘I’m going to go across the bridge faster than everybody else, including the men right now, in my first race.’ Of course, I think it was Jacob Keen who took the car lane. I didn’t even know that that was an option back then. I wasted some time trying to get that secret checkpoint.” Despite the wasted time, Karen placed third in the women, trans, femme (WTF) category. “I was so happy. I thought I was going to get last place, especially after I didn’t get that secret checkpoint. Everyone was so supportive, really happy for me, and happy that I was there. It felt so welcoming and surreal. I had never gotten a pat on the back for riding my bike before. That was the first time.”

That summer, Karen competed in the Warriors Ride with an all-femme team. She rode alongside her friend, Amelia, who has since become a rival to Karen in various races. “It was one of my first times riding with Amelia. The start of Warriors at Van Cortlandt Park was crazy. Everyone dressed up, so many people, so many teams. As the sun went down, we began the race, and I dropped this amazing eighth of weed off the back of my bike. Whenever I pass that intersection, I always look at it in mourning.” As the team approached Bailey Avenue in the Bronx, Karen felt that familiar itch to compete, even if it was against her own teammates. “We were racing up this hill. I’ll never forget the way that I watched Amelia go up it. I was like, ‘I’m going to beat everybody up this hill right now,’ but then she just flew up. At the top, I was like, ‘How? What’s your secret?” Amelia told Karen that the key to riding up a hill quickly on a fixed-gear bike is to jump. “You gotta feel like you’re leaping and jumping up the hill. I always think about that when I climb now.”

After a night that involved jumping into a pool, spending time at the Riverside Skate Park, and riding down to Coney Island, Karen’s team placed third overall in points. “At the end, they have a tug of war, and it’s just not fair. We were on the wrong side because it was on a slope. But yeah, we have to recruit some big men or something for tug-of-war. Honestly, it’s not fair.”

The obsession with biking continued to accelerate for Karen that summer, when she decided to take her first solo bikepacking trip. “My family goes to this island called Vinalhaven. It’s really cute. It’s off the coast of Maine and Rockland. I always wanted to go on a big bike tour. I’ve always loved bikes.” Karen grew up in Connecticut and learned how to ride a bicycle at a young age. “My first bike was a tricycle. I loved that thing, it had a really nice squeak in it. When I rode it, it squeaked really loud. Then one day, my dad fixed it for me, and he was like, ‘Try your tricycle again.’ I got on it, squeak was gone. I still haven’t gotten over it. I loved that squeak. I cried so much that day, begging him to put the squeak back.”

Throughout Karen’s childhood, her love for cycling grew, and she decided that she wanted to challenge herself. This challenge, however, was met with some resistance from loved ones. “When I was a teenager, I was like, ‘Friends, family, mom, dad, I’m going to ride my bike across America.’ They all sat me down for an intervention and told me I was crazy. I was like, ‘Oh my God, is this impulse that I have to do this, is this a crazy thing? Like, damn, I didn’t realize. They thought it was a cry for help. Then it gaslit me. I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I guess I’m crazy. I guess I’m really depressed if that’s what they’re saying.”

Karen eventually felt encouraged to try bikepacking after meeting people in the NYC bike community who had done so themselves. “After meeting all the people from the bike world, hearing stories of people doing bike tours, and all kinds of crazy bike things, I’m like, ‘I am not crazy,’ or at least there’s other people just as crazy as I am.” The ride started in Rockland, Maine, and the end point was at Karen’s apartment in East New York. “I planned it, maybe too much. I was staying in really official campgrounds. There were so many places where I’m like, ‘I could totally stealth camp here,’ but no, I booked actual campgrounds with RVs, people that are set up all summer, and then me in this lot with my tiny tent. It was still really cute. I was doing 85 miles a day. I made it back in five or six days.”

Years later, in 2024, Karen took a bikepacking trip to Florida, which she claims was one of the coolest bike-related experiences of her life. “A lot of stars of misfortune had aligned in my life. I left on my bike without a plan and got to Florida in less than two weeks. It was a big crying trip for me. I was doing 104 miles a day. That was really fun.” This journey was something that Karen’s loved ones were skeptical of, similar to the biking trip from Maine to East New York. “A lot of people in my life didn’t understand. Every time that I would ride a bike, they would be like, ‘Why don’t you just take the train? Why don’t you just take the car?
Why do you ride in the winter?” For this trip, Karen picked a random direction, which turned out to be south. She rode south to Key West and stopped once she hit the water. “Once I got to Key West, I was like, ‘Now what?’ I stepped in the ocean. I could not physically go further south. That was the best feeling ever.” I informed Karen that Andrew Littlefield already told a similar story during his interview, to which she replied, “Did he do it faster than me?”

Back in 2022, Karen hit the ground running during her first year of competitive cycling. Her first self-described big race was CMWC, Cycling Messenger World Championship. “That year, it happened in Red Hook. Messengers from all over the world came to compete. I did it on my Cannondale, and I got fourth place, which felt super crazy. I won a bike frame, and I had to sell it because it was way too big for me.” This race required competitors to carry items while they raced. “At each location, you had to pick up a giant box and lug it to other checkpoints while you’re on a bike.”

During that same weekend, Karen acquired her first track bike. “I got it for free on the street. These people who lived near my building gave it to me. It was always outside. It always had two flat tires. It was outside 365 days of the year. I would pass by it all the time and then one day, as I was coming home, they were like, ‘Hey, girl, take it.’ I go, ‘What?’ And they’re like, ‘Take it.’ And I’m like, ‘Okay!’” Riding a track bike added a new element of fun to cycling. “That’s when it turned from passion to the most fun I’ve ever had. I couldn’t believe there was a bike I could learn to ride backwards, that I could learn to do a track stand on. I could make money, go on adventures, and win races, all on this bike.” After she began winning races using the track bike, Karen returned to the people who let her take it and let them know about it. “I’m like, ‘Yo, I just won a bike race on this bike.” And they’re all like, ‘Yeah!’

Another reason Karen likes racing on track bikes is that it keeps competition fair. “The beauty of track bikes is that I feel like I can compete with people who have really, really, really nice track bikes. The difference is so marginal with track bikes, and it feels like we’re all on an equal playing field. With road bikes, it feels like you have to pay a premium just to be on the same level as other people. I really hate that. I love the feeling on the track bike where we’re all starting together on very similar bikes, on basically the same ratios, and it feels fair.”

The first year of riding with other people strengthened Karen’s cycling abilities. “I was always biking in the street, but honestly, the group rides really helped me with my confidence in riding around cars. You should always be comfortable. People who say that you shouldn’t, don’t listen to them. It should be where you are comfortable, and that’s it. Other people can help you get there. Sometimes you can watch another rider and get inspired by the way that they take lines, maybe their ratios or their advice, but it should feel like you’re in control.”

Karen noted that the confidence she has developed from cycling feels tangible. “Cycling has given me confidence in a way that other passions in my life did not. I did a lot of music when I first moved to the city, and it’s so hard to see progress in the arts. When you’re working on something for a long time, and you’re putting in all this work, it’s so hard to see progress. And you’re like, ‘Okay, I spent X amount of hours on this art piece. Did I even get anywhere? Did I go backwards? With biking, if you spent X amount biking, you saw the progress the whole time. You’ve changed your whole world around you. You’re a little stronger. You used that energy, and now you’re at a different point. It’s so satisfying.”

Karen’s first win happened at Kissena Velodrome during a women’s B race. She didn’t have a track bike at the time, so she needed to borrow one. “They have bikes there that you can borrow. I won the women’s B, and it was a great confidence boost.” Karen won this race despite not having prepared for the day. “When you go to Kissena, it’s like a desert island. You’re there all day in the sun. You don’t really know when you can leave because some of these events will drag on. I made the mistake of going there with absolutely nothing that day because I didn’t know what to expect. There’s nothing nearby. Like, I had no water.”

A variety of race formats are hosted at the Kissena Velodrome. “There are different games that you can play. One of them is called a scratch race. That’s when you just go in a circle, you do six laps, and whoever wins the six wins. Then there’s another one called tempo, which means that certain laps are points. You don’t know when, but they’ll ring a bell, and whoever crosses it first gets a certain amount of points. Then there’s elimination, where if you’re in the back, you get eliminated each lap. There are many styles of races on the track.”

Winning her first race showed Karen how much she had grown since she first entered the bike scene. “It was the women’s B. It wasn’t the women’s A. There were still people who I knew that I wanted to get to eventually. It showed me that I had potential. In one summer, I grew so much.” Karen hopes to continue growing in her bike journey, and this is made possible by the many opportunities to explore. “When I first joined, I had no idea that people rode bikes together. There wasn’t just bike racing. There were so many different camps of bike. There was bike polo. There are bike groups that go and get coffee together. There are bike maintenance people. There’s bike tricks, people that just do the tricks, the early morning roadies, the track people, the alleycats. They’re all so different and unique. I really wanted to try all of them, and I did. I tried all of them.”

When reflecting on her first summer of cycling in the city, Karen said that her focus was always on getting better. “I saw that trajectory of growth and all these people that were better than me. I wanted to chase them. Like, I wanted to catch them. I didn’t want them to drop me. I didn’t want to be left behind. Even now, as I find myself right along with those people or passing those people, I still want to hold on to that feeling that there’s something in the distance that I have to get to.”

After cycling competitively for three years, Karen has learned how to lose with grace. “The defeat that hurts the most is when I make a dumb mistake. Like, when I lose against myself. And really, what I’ve learned from all this stuff, my emotional mature stance is that it’s always me versus me. In a race, I’m always racing against myself, trying to do my best. Other people inspire me because I know that they’re all doing their best. But yeah, I will get lost and stuff like that. Most recently, the marathon race, I didn’t look at the marathon route at all. After the Queensboro Bridge, I thought it went straight across to the park. Those are the losses that hurt the most, because if I just thought for two seconds, if I just pulled out my phone.”

Having a regular outlet for competitive energy has helped Karen be less competitive in other areas of her life. “Now, when I play a card game or board game, and I lose, it’s okay. I don’t have to be so crazy because I have bikes. My losses, that’s when I grow. When I win, I often don’t learn anything. It wouldn’t be fun if I won all the time. I thank my lucky stars for my rivals, people who I want to beat, and people who are better than me.” Karen explained that those rivals have come from racing in New York and beyond. She most recently discovered friendly rivalries with competitors at Formula Fixed, a fixed-gear racing series. “There’s Aiyana, she’s from Florida. Then Brittany, Amelia, and Lana are definitely my New York rivals.”

Karen began racing with Formula Fixed in 2024. “They sent me an invitation to compete in their first one last fall. That was one of the craziest bike experiences I’ve ever had. I had never done any other race outside of New York before that. Not even Philly or anywhere else on the East Coast. I went to LA to compete, and I did really well. I tried my best. I got fourth place. I can still see Brittany in front of me as I try to pass her in my mind.”

While Karen was in LA for this race, her bike was stolen, but luckily she got help from the community. “The next morning, when I woke up to catch my flight, my bike was gone, and I made a post. I was so sad. I didn’t expect anything because I had a plane to catch. There was nothing I could do. So, I went on the plane, and by the time I landed, I checked my phone. My friends in LA found my bike. They found who had stolen it and posted it online. Shoutout to Snake God, who made it happen.” Snake God is the Instagram handle of the person who found and returned Karen’s bike. “People call him Snake. He has his tongue split like a snake. He found the bike and brought it back to me. It was the most miraculous thing that has ever happened to me.”

Despite being a victim of theft, Karen enjoyed her experience racing with Formula Fixed. “They’re the only major fixed-gear race that’s happening in the United States right now. It’s James Grady and his partner, Claire. It’s exciting knowing that people are investing in fixed-gear racing, specifically. I think it’s the best kind of racing.” Karen explained that these races take place on go-kart tracks. “That’s their vision for it. They call it the short track format. It’s really tight turns. It’s like go-kart, if you ever went to a go-kart party as a child. Or as an adult. I’m not judging.”

As for the future, Karen hopes to continue racing with Formula Fixed. “The semifinals and finals are happening in Vegas next March. I am so excited about that. The qualifiers already happened. I’ve never been to Vegas, and I’m really excited to compete against my rivals from around the country.” In an all-encompassing message to describe her bike journey, much of which is omitted from this article because frankly, it’s a lot, Karen said, “I don’t know. I feel like I said so much, but I also didn’t say anything. I really love riding bikes. It’s so much fun to ride bikes. Yeah, I don’t know.”